i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize