Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
