I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
