This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
