The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize