apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
