I'm so fucking centered right now
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
