btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
