I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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