mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
