I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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