Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Randomize
