Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
