If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
