fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
