Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
