so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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