I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
