Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
