the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
