dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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