Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
