Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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