By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
