I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He passed out mid-signature
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
