you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
