My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
