This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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