i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
