in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
