Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
