I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
