can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
