Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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