i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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