I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
