i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
