When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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