u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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