drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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