WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
