at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
