now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
