If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
