she was so not down for the gang bang
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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