Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize