You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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