In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
