Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
