I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
the day after is always just damage control
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize