you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
