yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
