It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
