Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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