so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize