She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
