It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
