I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
