He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
