I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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