I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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