On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
