a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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