I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
