i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize