So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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