You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize